is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
