Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
