Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
