Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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