So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
