what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
