swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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