Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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