wat bout pragnant strippers??
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
