I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize