Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
