Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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