This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
