As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
