I cannot find my penis.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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