How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
