wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
