You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
