Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He better not be in your backpack
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
