areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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