My sheets look like a crime scene.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
