Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
