Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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