in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
