The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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