Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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