I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
