I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
