Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
worst night to have a conscience
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
