i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
