I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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