If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
