This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
