I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
