she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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