I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
