I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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