I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
