i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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