Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
