i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
