You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
