I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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