white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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