you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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