Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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