Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
