We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
