Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
