I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
false alarm. still invincible.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize