My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i love accidental penises.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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