You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
