dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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