Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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