Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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