im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
