you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
if only i could text you this smell
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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