Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
