I can text with my tongue
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
