Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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