He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
