There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize