I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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