dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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