everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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