if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
