Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
