apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
