Can i not drive my cunt home
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize