...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
