Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
