it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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