You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
