You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
