what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
