i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
