Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
